Self Love
So many of us women were brought up to be people pleasers. We know very well how to please others but so often we don't know how to please ourselves! And much less let we others know how to please us.
But before we can let others know what we need, like or desire, we first must know what it is that we want. Like all else in life, if we let people know what we want, we are far more likely to receive that what we need and desire.
We can take off the pressure of others trying to read our minds
And what is even more important is that we believe and know that we deserve that.
We need to be selfish enough to ask for what we want.
This is really about self love. When we love ourselves, we take care of ourselves. The kind of selfishness that I am talking here about benefits everyone. When we have first taken care of ourselves, we are then in a position to give to others too.
We can only give to others that which we give to ourselves
The more we embrace divine selfishness, there more we are able to voice what we want, what we like and what we really need from each other. I know, it can be a huge step for some of us, to become so incredibly selfish to be actually asking for what we want!
And you will see as you are being more self loving that selfishness enhances your relationship. As you speak up and voice your desires and needs, your partner hears what you like, want and need!
Self-pleasuring: making love with yourself
And when it comes to making love, it is just as important to make love with oneself. Self pleasuring is simply an expression of your love to yourself.
And more than that, when we know ourself and our body, we know what it is that turns us on. We can then also communicate this to our partner. Our partners are not magical mind-readers who know just because they love us how to touch us and how to please and pleasure us.
Men are not sexperts simply because they are men! They are not psychic super-beings who are able to read all our wishes and desires from our lips simply because they love and care for us. They will be relieved that all their guesswork is gone. And the result is more satisfaction and fulfilment for both of you.
A great book to read on the subject of self pleasuring is Betty Dodson's book
"Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving":
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"For more than 20 years, Betty Dodson has been dedicated to taking the shame out of masturbation, showing it to be a healthy form of sexual expression. With warmth and intelligence, and informative line drawings, Dodson explains how anyone can learn to fully enjoy the pleasures of self-love, pointing out that masturbation is still the safest sex.".
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